Author Sarah Clarke ponders the question as we celebrate the release of her latest novel, Every Little Secret.
My new book Every Little Secret follows the lives of Grace, Marcus, Kaia and their wider family. Almost every character is harbouring a secret or two, and this leads to some rocky moments in the book. But for years before the story starts, the family manages to live happy and harmonious lives without revealing the truth.
And this made me wonder, could hiding secrets from your family actually be a good thing?
My son thinks so. He likes to hide lots of information from me. Test scores, how to work a PlayStation controller, when he last washed his hair… My daughter is less clandestine, but she still goes quiet if I wander into her room when she’s talking to a friend (while developing a suspiciously guilty expression).
But it would be hypocritical of me to complain too much, because I keep secrets from my children too. They don’t need to know that I was permanently kicked out of my chemistry class for backchatting, or that I decided to hitchhike around Thailand when I was 20 rather than pay for the bus.
But on the flip side, we do teach openness, honesty and good communication in our family. So there are clearly arguments both for and against family secrets, which led me to thinking I should pit them against each other before choosing which I think is best.
Love a family secret
#1 Orson Welles famously said, ‘we’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone’. On that basis, it feels fair for there to be some things ‘we know alone’ too.
#2 Even having the term ‘private life’ (not to mention the phrase ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’) suggests that not every element of our life is destined to be shared.
#3 Countless works of literature and film have taught us that once the closet is open and the skeleton revealed, all hell breaks loose. Keeping that door firmly closed means your whole family can live in blissful ignorance forever.
#4 Without secrets, surprise birthday parties would become a thing of the past. As would coming up with a dozen different ways to slay your partner for organising one on your behalf.
Open the closet and let the skeleton sing
#1 If anyone is going to forgive you for past mistakes, it’s your family (especially if they’re also confessing their own).
#2 If you’re anything like me, other people’s secrets are likely to be more interesting than yours, e.g. it’s probably worth admitting to finishing the Ben & Jerrys if it produces the name of your son’s first crush.
#3 Once the initial shock has died down, revealing a juicy secret might actually improve your standing in the family (most offspring need hard evidence that their parents were ever as cool as them).
#4 While blackmailing your family should only be done in the most extreme circumstances, it is nice to have it as an option. Clearly the arguments for and against revealing family secrets are finely balanced, so perhaps the best approach is to persuade everyone else to open up, while keeping your most valuable secrets closer to your chest. Is that what I do? Well, I would tell you but…
Sarah Clarke’s novel Every Little Secret is out now – get your copy here!
